Saturday, April 9, 2011

The Dishwasher: Vampire Smile

You'd smile too if you were this awesome.

Sequel to the hit 2009 Xbox Live arcade game, Dishwasher: Dead Samurai, Vampire Smile follows the blood trail of Yuki, the Dishwasher's sister. Without spoiling too much of the story, I'll just say that it's an atmospheric mind fuck of a game, with grungy, dark visuals and epic guitar riffs throughout. The combat is smooth like platelet laden blood, and will take a good deal of mastery to make it past even the default difficulty. While it's not as brutally unforgiving as the first game, it will test your reflexes and determination from start to finish. The game has some light RPG elements, and you will find unique "Beads" that will endow you with certain handy abilities. The weapons are far more balanced this time around, and switching between them for combos works well. One thing I'm sure you'll be pleased to hear is that this game is damn easy on the wallet, being one of the few games on XBL that goes for 800 points these days, and boy is it ever worth it. Screen shots really don't do this style justice, so check out a vid or two on youtube to see if it's up your alley. After the intro you can either continue the story as Yuki, or the Dishwasher, and each has a 3-4 hour story. In addition to the story mode, there are 50 arcade style challenges to complete. Oh, and it has full co-op, if you're into that sort of thing. Also, remember that all demos are free on XBL, and it's only 125MB, so you owe it to yourself to at least try it out, unless you're a pussy. You're not, are you?

So what the fuck are you waiting for? Grab your blade and straw hat and get to chopping!

Friday, April 8, 2011

Mortal Kombat 9

You know, I swear some games use subliminal advertising or something. At first I was completely underwhelmed by Mortal Kombat 2011. Even after watching a few trailers I thought the fighting looked stiff and unnatural. But now, after visiting some MK sites and playing the demo I have caved and even accepted the absurd $69.99 price tag. I preordered this very day from BestBuy.

One thing that is still eating away at me, though, is the way is handling the preorders. While Bestbuy is offering the Sub Zero Klassic skin and fatality, has claimed that the preorder bonus available through is exclusive to them, and can't offer it. Not only that, but despite the Canadian dollar currently being higher than the American, we still get to pay $10 more than the Yanks and we also miss out on the $10 off your next game purchase bonus. Thing is, I don't even want the Sub Zero Klassic skin, since his updated one is much better. Reptile, on the other hand, looks like shit in his updated skin and his Klassic skin is only available through See the issue? Also, will not ship the game to me since I live in Canada. I'm not sure if this goes for all games, or just Mortal Kombat due to the controversy revolving around its copious use of violence, but it's still a pain in the ass.

Well, maybe I should say a little something about the game instead of the annoying process of trying to preorder and not get ripped off.

This is the 9th Mortal Kombat game, and unlike the last 3 has done away with the 3D fighting and side stepping combat. The game now controls solely on a 2D plane, the same as the first 3 games. The game is rendered in 3D and uses the Unreal 3 engine. The most notable addition to the combat would be the X-ray moves. These brutal finishers are a type of super move that can only be preformed when your special gauge is full, and involve the character preforming a combination of hits that rupture organs and shatter bones. As the name suggests, you can see the damage happening inside with a X-ray like view. There are three section of the special bar. When the first bar is filled (and with every subsequent bar), you can preform an EX variation of one of your special moves. These usually make the move cause more damage, or add follow up hits. And while the X-rays are incredibly brutal and fun to watch, seeing Sub Zero's move makes me skeptical about the research put into the accuracy of the X-rays by the Devs. When Sub Zero starts his move, the first thing he does is reach inside you, grab an organ, freeze it, then crush it. Some have called it "The Liver Crush", but that's not the liver. It's in the center and not on the right. The spleen is on the left, so that really only leaves the possibility of the bladder, or on the female characters, maybe the womb. One might argue that it could be the Dantian, the "center" in yoga and martial arts, but the Dantian isn't an actual physical organ, so I'm just gonna go ahead and say Nether Realms Studios knows sweet fuck all about anatomy.

With an April 19th release date for North America, this is shaping up to be one brutal game. Replay value seems to be through the roof, with the return of the Krypt, a 300 mission challenge tower, and a robust story mode that seems to cover the events of the first three games, along with some twists as this is one of those convoluted "Travel back in time to change history" kind of plots. There is also a fatality training mode for those that can't pull them off consistently. Oh, and there is also tag combat now.

Things are looking up for the Mortal Kombat franchise, and after the pile of steaming excrement that was Mortal Kombat V.S DC Universe, it surely needs it.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Fuck You, Mozilla

Funny how the new Firefox 4 "upgrade" is in all actuality a downgrade.

Upon checking for updates this evening, I was promised greater stability, increased performance and speed, and an intuitive new layout with Firefox 4. What could go wrong, right? Well, for starters I had to download no less than 5 new add-ons just so it would be half ways usable for me. If you go to the Mozilla forums to state such an opinion the faggots come right out of the woodwork like they were laying in wait and tell you that with progress comes change, and that you should get used to it in a few hours. Guess fucking what. 6 years of hard wiring my brain to open tabs by right clicking and going to the second option cannot be undone by spending a few hours with a shitty new rendition of a good browser. Aside from this, the progress bar has been changed into an epilepsy sufferers worst nightmare. Instead of being able to monitor it constantly, it flashes information at you when it feels like it, which is more than a little distracting. Buttons have been arbitrarily moved around due to what can only be described as developer cranial trauma, and the options menu seems to have been stripped down so as to not intimidate the idiots they are hoping to snare with this glittery, substancless update.

What fucks me off the most about all this is that I like to be up to date on security and shit for obvious reasons, but this is just way too aggravating. Of course Mozilla will be supporting 3.6 (Which I have already switched back to) for a "while", but whether this will be months or mere weeks remains to be seen.

In short, yiff in hell, Mozilla, you cock gobbling retards.

Monday, April 4, 2011

The Masks We Wear

All the hate for anonymous makes me sick. You stand up for peoples rights in the real world and you're a hero (Or a martyr, depending on how things turn out). You stand up for peoples rights online while making good use of internet anonymity and actually take the offenders down a peg, and you're labeled an internet terrorist. What a fucking world we live in. Case in point, anon's recent "attack" on Sony. Anonymous steps in and suddenly everyone forgets any instance of Sony treating it's users like shit because of their inherent disdain for anon.

To the intelligent, the internet provides instant access to a wealth of information. To the idiot, the internet is just another convenient tool for media to brainwash you with. Grasp a sharp blade and give yourself a big pat on the back. You're whats wrong with the world.