Friday, October 28, 2011


So I was checking out the Beth Blog for new info on Skyrim today and saw them touting a new preview by G4 TV, so after clicking the link and discovering I needed to disable Adblock+ in order to view the content, I was then bombarded by a retarded promotional video telling me to preorder the upcoming assassin's creed game, after that I was bombarded by adds telling me to save Africa. After ignoring all these pleas for my hard earned money, I finally was graced by the glorious content I had been waiting for; at least that's what I would have said if the video hadn't stuttered to shit due to amateur encoding, if they hadn't reused stock footage like someone had hit the endless replay button, and if they hadn't gotten two filthy, gas huffing street urchins to take the place of the two people who were supposed to preview the game.

The commentary for this video was like baby's first pod cast. Inane ramblings from two people who sound like they're either high or have the mental maturity of a 14 year old kid who was locked in a closet until recently. I didn't even mind that they didn't know the terminology about this particular game, it's that they seem to be totally oblivious to anything but what seems like a fleeting experience with games in general. These two come off as the kind of people that played a N64 game for 15 minutes one time and now consider themselves experts on the subject.

I would continue by saying that this is what it would be like if I got my non gaming father to comment on a 3 hour preview, but I give my father more credit than that, and even if he just sat there in silent awe of this game's depth and scope for 11 minutes and then proceeded to utter the single word "wow" under his breath, it would be vastly better than what I just listened to.

I can only assume that Bethesda sent an invitation to G4 for the preview, but everyone was too busy or high on ether to go themselves, so they selected two interns or parking attendees, gave them the address, and then shoved them out the door with bus fare and a couple of bagged lunches.

The link is below in case you loath your ears and want to punish them.

View at your own risk

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Business is getting too serious

It seems no one online has a sense of humor any more. I just got a 45 day suspension from gfaqs for having the words "Gfaq mods are small bundles of sticks." in my signature. Well, it was there for about two months before I got slammed into purgatory for it, so I guess that speaks to the level of intelligence most mods over there have. But as they say, all good things come to an end, and it appears someone with a brain figured out what it meant.

Another time someone was whining about homophobia in games and was asking if Saints Row 3 would have the same level of "homophobia" as the other entries in the series. Now lets set aside the fact that just because a game does not endorse the bumbing lifestyle does not mean it's homophobic, it just doesn't cater to faggots, and focus on the fact that I was banned for responding "One can only hope". It seems it doesn't matter what you actually say these days, just so long as someone can interpret it as offensive.

I'd go into details about how other gaming sites are more up tight and sensitive than a constipated person simultaneously suffering from chronic hemorrhoids, but I already ranted about the Escapist a month or so back, so that's been covered. I'm pretty sure the only gaming related place I haven't been suspended or banned from for speaking my mind is Kotaku, so go figure.

This really reaffirms my opinion that the only easy going sites on the net are ones related to or accepting of porn, because it seems most gamers are way too up tight to just live and let live.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Why "Dead Island" blows.

The quickest answer to this question is that it's boring after the first 20 minutes.

After beating the game in single player, and with my roommate in co-op lan, I have some minor observations.

For one thing the interface is fucking clunky. Sometimes navigating the menus is more difficult then playing the actual game.

Weapon durability blows. It always has blown, and it always will blow. nothing is more flat out ridiculous when you start out, have 12 variants of ye olde wooden stick, and they all end up breaking in the middle of a fight, surrounding you with 12 infected which tend to run a little bit faster then you can.

Moving is like driving a tank. Which is ridiculous considering you're on foot. And then oddly the driving is done fairly well. Until you get the tank. Half the time I can't see out of that thing. There may be a button to get a third person view on the vehicles. I'm not sure. I still have a bad habit of running into shit. Although i'll admit that i'm not the best at any driving be it RL or in game.

The weapon selection is invariably poor. As aforementioned, in the beginning I found myself running around with 12-15 variants of a broomstick. You can get "Recipies" to upgrade these weapons but none of the good ones really pop up until much later in the game, and even then they're not that great of upgrades. (I found the shock based ones worked the best) I realize they wanted to make it somewhat realistic, but no. It's a zombie game. I don't want to know how well i'd actually do in a real life zombie based combat situation. I want to believe that with nothing but a Katana and a Handgun i'd be invincible.

Recipies are Bullshit : In Dead Rising 2 (The game this game gets invariably compared to) When you combine cool shit, to make even cooler shit, (With the handyman's secret weapon no less) you can fuck around and pull shit out of your ass, without earning any of the trading cards that show you how to do it. Which gives a bit more of a "Surprise" feature to it, plus you don't have to hunt for all the cool shit. For half the game I had all of the shit to make shock based bladed weapons, but I couldn't actually do so until I had already found a katana or two.

Guns are boring as shit. There's roughly your 4 types, Pistols / Shotguns / Semi Auto/Burst Rifles / Full Auto Rifles. Each one gets itself a subcatagory of "Types" but the differences aren't really all that great, and I find them relatively useless, especially considering how little ammo there is.

All in all, save your money folks. If you really want to play dead island, just play Borderlands again and pretend the enemies are zombies. you'll most likely have more fun with that.